30 Things I Learned Before I Turn 31

 I am turning 31 in a few days, and here are the things that I've learned 360 days after I turned 30:

1. Coffee is much preferred over alcohol. I can handle undersleeping, but hangover is a big NO!
2. I don't have to chase people. If they want me in their lives, they'll make time for me. 
3. Reading was and still my favorite past time. Hello Carlos Ruiz Safon!
4. I still fuss about my favorite shows. I'm still crazy about you my dear Harvey Specter.
5. I love meeting new people but there are also times that I'd rather stay at home.
6. I still can't talk about my feelings openly. And here I thought I'll change after 30, but I didn't.
7. It's ok to feel helpless sometimes. I am not a superhero, I need help, we all do.
8. If you love them, let them go. This is what my mom did, she allowed me to be on my own.
9. I no longer need anyone's approval but my own. "It's my life, it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever."
10. Music is my best comforter. When I'm sad, I listen to sad songs and let it all out in one go and after that I feel a lot better.
11. Wash off your mascara before peeling and chopping onions. The struggle is real!
12. Never ever let anyone feel that they are a second-class citizen, a spare tire or whatever you call it. It's just unacceptable, the worst feeling in the world. You can either be all in for that person or just leave completely.
13. Be spontaneous, being over 30 doesn't mean that you no longer can.
14. Eat your vegetables. You need your daily dose of fiber.
15. Call your parents. You may be old enough to start a family of your own but you'll always be the baby in their eyes.
16. Travel often. If there's a will, there's a way.
17. Take a lot of pictures, but not necessarily post it all on social media.
18. Social media is there to help you connect with family and friends, not your own crappy reality channel.
19. Exercise. You are no longer in your twenties, you need to burn those calories down.
20. Learn new things. Life is a continuous improvement process.
21. Forgive people. It does a lot of good for you  than for them.
22. Listen to 90's music every once in a while. It's ok to reminisce your younger years.
23. Stop waiting for that guy/girl. He/she may not be into you, and you're just wasting your life pining for that person.
24. Go on dates. You are wonderful as you are.
25. Always acknowledge even the littlest blessings in each day.
26. It's better to be single than in a toxic relationship.
27. Eat all the food that you like,  but in moderation.
28. Smile often, it'll make you feel better.
29. Talk to yourself.
30. You've survived 30 years, you have more experience now. Nothing will come your way that you won't be able to handle.

One Art

by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

The Best Ship is Friendship

Ever since I graduated from college, the most fun I had was when I was on my second job working for over two years. I got to meet crazy yet amazing and talented people. Each one of us have quirks and flaws but it didn’t prevent us from forging a bond that I am sure will last a lifetime.

Like all relationships we had more than our shares of ups and downs. Suffice to say that we’ve gone through a lot in the couple of years that we had: lost a family member, a lover, a friend, a job, a dream but we stuck through it all. 

There are days that some of us get lost in the path, but like the truest friends we allow each of us to fall off the path for some time and catch up with them when we think it’s necessary with a welcoming smile and a hand to hold on to. We had the dynamics that will make Lean Six Sigma ashamed of its existence.

We were a force to behold, when we put our heads together anything is possible. We’ve done everything together from social events, projects, team buildings, charity works, marathons, out of town trips, festivals, staycations in a hotel, fancy dinners, nights out, chilling at home and even got ourselves almost kicked out of a coffee shop (which we all remember and a topic for a different day).

With them it’s not important if we’re doing something significant or not, as long as we’re together in one place two things are for sure: there’ll always be food and no one goes home without laughing his/her heart out.

We know each other like the back of our hands: we know what a smile, a smirk, a frown, a fake cough, a tone of voice, a “seen” on group chats means. We’ve made each other our extended selves. And I can’t imagine life without you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I haven’t met any of you in the process.

Now that we are on a life crossroad, I am praying that we make it out to our destinations still holding on to each other despite the journey and then we can celebrate each other’s successes.  And never forget the times that we had together. The laughter, the tears that played important parts to who and what we’ve become. 

No matter where we’ll be in a month or so, whether miles apart or a desk apart never forget that we’ll always have each other. And we’ll always be each other’s cheerleader come hell or high water. 

And I am looking forward to the day that we’ll meet and have coffee outside of the country and we’d be kicked out of the shop as we'd still be dying of laughter like we always used to do. 

You might be wondering why am I suddenly emotional? It’s the 4th of March, the day that I got to meet most of the crazy, amazing and talented people three years ago.

Risking it All

I'm not OK. What a way to open an entry in a blog that I haven't updated for months. But that is the truth and I don't plan on sugarcoating it in any way. So let me start again...

I'm not OK, but surprisingly I am OK not being OK. It's a welcome change for someone who tries to be for most of her adult life.If you know me personally you have known by now that I don't stop and cry. I move on from everything (except for some people in my life that I can't seem to move on from but that's a different story). If I fail at something, I waste no time preparing to turn that said failure into a success. You can say that I'm a go-getter, I take risks all the time, albeit calculated. 

This time, I got out of the outskirts of my comfort zone and jumped head first to a future as dark as a moonless night. But if I make it out in one piece, I'll have better lit days for as long as I live. It's not an easy decision to make, starting from scratch when you are almost at the peak of the career that you chose to have for ten years. I am taking this leap as I don't want to wonder what if's in the future. I want to know and experience the answers firsthand. 

All I can say is that my hunger for my passion is stronger than my hunger for wealth and success. That I am willing to risk living a lifestyle that I am so not used to. But of course, I also want to be successful doing the things that I am very passionate about: fashion and writing.

I am being very vague in this post about what I'm trying to do with my life, but all I'm saying is it's OK not to be OK as Jessie J beautifully puts it in her song. And hopefully, I'll be able to get the answers myself soon enough.

The Waiting Game

I hate waiting, I never had the patience. That's why I come to my appointments early or on time, because I don't want to keep anyone waiting. I know the agony. It's like you don't value the time of the person that's waiting for you. I don't mind waiting every once in a while, but I really hate keeping anyone waiting for me.

I am an Aries, I don't know if it has anything to do with it, but Arians are known to be restless. If I can help it, I won't sit and wait for two hours at the airports. I don't like waiting long hours for connecting flights, and I don't like long flights. But these can't be avoided, so I always have a book with me so I can have a productive distraction or watch a whole season of TV series while in transit.

Waiting for a phone call, an email or a sign can probably be the worst kind of it all. It is something beyond our control no matter how hard we try to summon the universe to let things be. I am in a waiting game for four days now, I've probably done everything to not think about it. If I could have  self-induced amnesia for a few days, I might have done it already. And just tell the doctor to revert it back after I got the sign that I've been praying for.

This sign that I'm talking about is so humongous that it can change the course of my professional life. That's why this is very important for me. I know, HE knows that patience is not my best suit, maybe it's his way of telling me to cultivate it in me. I have no other choice but to wait and see what's in store for me in the coming days. But for now, I have to focus on the present, and be grateful for everything that I have.

Why I Can't Fall for You

Falling in love is a good feeling, until it's not. Yes, I know it's not the best opening sentence to a blog entry but it is the truth. Love or the feeling of being in love is not all it's cracked up to be. Just like every other emotion, there are pros and cons to it. I don't want to eat my words in the future, but basing on experience I can pretty much say that it is not for me. Love is just too much for me to handle or maybe, love can't handle me? I am not sure though.

I am an INTJ, and no, we are not heartless contrary to popular beliefs. We may be distant, but never cold (although we always seem to be). It's just that we value logic over our emotions. It's not that we are emotionless, it's just that we are logical beings, we've been hurt before and we want to avoid ourselves from getting hurt all over again.

I came up with the reasons why I can't allow myself to fall for a particular person in mind. It doesn't help me much, but I'm hoping I can convince myself to stop feeling anything anymore.

• I am a logical person, but when I allow myself to fall, all logic goes out into the window. It's like I'm not myself anymore. Or is it possible that being illogical is the real me and I'm just suppressing it with my logical facade? 
• I don't obsess, but I do think immensely. And you... I can't seem to get you off my head. You became an obsession. And it's not healthy (it's never healthy, who am I kidding?).
• You seem to get me, I know it's a good thing. But I am beyond scared that you know me so well to the point that you already have an idea of what are the things that could ruin my entire being.
• I crave attention, I never do that. But with you, there is never enough. I want to be with you all the freaking time! It's like I am turning into someone that I hate, I hate emotions, I hate attachments. But you.. you make me want all those stuff. 
• I like the feeling of being cared for by anyone besides family and myself. I'm like a living contradiction. I don't want to be taken care of by anyone but you. 
• I never plan for the future, unless it's a career path or anything that will help me improve myself. But now, I can see changes creeping in. Before I go to bed, my traitorous mind injects some scenes of you and me together. All smiley, and it creeps the hell out of me.
• You make me smile.You make me feel like a He is We song, "A little pathetic, with a dash of ooey gooey so romantic.". You make me feel like a girl: nice and sweet. So sweet that I can kill you with diabetes.
• You possibly are dating someone else, I've no idea because I'm "too cool and chill" to ask you. I know I am way too old for those adjectives, but I am just scared to ask.
• You are a Katy Perry song, one minute you're hot, and you're cold the next. You make me feel like the only person in the world, in the most special way and the only person in the world, in the loneliest way. 
• I never knew how to play this game, and I don't want to. 

Kristina, please stay logical before it's too late. 

Borrowed Days

I am grateful for that one Saturday,
The day that you and I met for the first time.
The Sunday that followed, dragged so slow.
I couldn't wait for the new tomorrow.

Monday came, and we saw each other again.
We talked and laughed as if we've known each other forever.
I got up on Tuesday with a new perspective,
It is another borrowed day but it will be spent with you.

I'm torn between happiness and sadness on Wednesday,
Happy for our time, yet sad that it is waning.
Thursday came like a wrecking ball.
And hit me with the reality that you will be leaving soon.

Let's be over and done with Friday,
The day that I woke up and felt an empty space in me.
Saturday came rushing in,
And I know I will never be the same again.

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