Boardwalk Diaries

I'm in New York, I got here over the weekend and I will be here for the next couple of months. This is a personal trip but it's not purely leisure. I still need to attend to all my responsibilities at work, and spend at least 8 hours online for work. But it's the little price to pay to be able to come to New York without using up all my vacation leave credits. 

I haven't gone around the city yet, I've only been to Queens ever since I got here. Landed at JFK, which is in Queens, and stayed at Rockaway Park which is still a part of Queens. But I planned on painting the city red this weekend with a childhood friend from my hometown who's flying in from Hawaii.

Anyways, I plan on taking her to all the overrated,touristy places that I've been to when I was here last year. We planned to play it Gossip Girl style (S&B for the win!), let's see how that will pan out. Good luck to us. Especially now that the weather is kind of bipolar. All sunny for the first half of the day, then raining the entire second half.

So, these past few days I took up a habit of running on the boardwalk after working. Not only the view is refreshing, but it's also healthy for me. Since I don't commute to work nowadays and I only work on my bed/couch.

The boardwalk is very long, I haven't gotten to both ends yet. But I promised myself, that I will before my New York stint is over.

For now I'm just contented on running 20 blocks and back, and sit at one of the benches when I get tired. And when I was sitting on one of those benches, there are just a few things that I got to ask myself.

Is what I am doing right now reflecting the life I want?

Yes, all things considered I think I am doing those things. I get the chance to travel and work at the same time. And I think I spend time with the persons that really matters most to me.

Am I trying to force something to work that will truly never satisfy me?

I think I was, I was so caught up in this idea of me and this person. And later did I realize that this was just all my idea, not his nor ours. So, needless to say that there was never a future for my daydream. All it was was a daydream, a fantasy that will only live in my head. But now, I can say that I am no longer forcing things to work out, if it's not meant to happen, then so be it. 

Am I being honest with myself about my reality?

Yes, I know that I am no way near the perfect life I curated in my head. But I also know that I am getting there, but I still need to work harder for it. And boy working hard is tough. They don't call it that for nothing.

Do I actually like where and who I am?

I love where I am! And honestly, I am loving the person I am becoming. I am no longer calculating my every move, and I just enjoy myself along the way. I must say, I am more carefree these days, but will never be careless (I hope).

I am exhausted on having to think about these thoughts. Got to start running again...

Fresh Start

For the last three years I only had my sights on you. And I'm not quite sure why I did it, when clearly I was just a moment's glimpse for you. We were both like this Katy Perry song; Hot n Cold. Rarely on the same side, and always in contrast. We had our shares of ups and downs, and mostly it was just me trying to hold on to you, to us. 

It took me some time to realize that after all these times, "there was never an us". And I kept on fighting for something that was never mine to begin with. Fast forward to now, I have learned to value myself more over other people, over you. And now I am beginning to see the world in a new perspective, where there is no you and just me. At first it seemed strange and scary, but little by little I have learned to adjust. There is so much to see and do in this world. Ironically, I've learned that if I focused on myself more, I would get a 360 degrees view of what life can be.

Recently, I went out to meet with people I barely knew. It was a risk, but I did it. I want to get to know people who would want to get to know me too. And for the first time, I've opened my self again to others and it felt good, it felt right, it felt liberating.

I know it won't be easy in the coming days, when all the dust will settle. But I know that I can do it, and I can have a fresh start. But for now, I will focus on the good and forget about the bad. It always pays to be positive about life no matter what. 

As Good as Reality TV

The MT3 (Manila Team 3) at Plaza San Marco, Venice, Italy

The past two months I’ve yet another opportunity to travel to Europe. This time with six more people. This isn’t Big Brother, but it might have been for all we know. We were a bunch of new hires for a startup company that were sent to Europe for a two-month training. We were basically strangers, we’ve only met each other twice at the embassy: when we applied, and the time we got our Schengen visas.

We were whisked to Europe (yes, whisked, because my first day with the company was the day of my flight), in Budapest to be exact and stayed together in the same apartment complex. It was like we were forced to live with each other and discover our own differences and similarities in the span of two months. The differences between us and Big Brother? We can go out of the house whenever we like, and there were no cameras that we know of (except for our phones, that we often use to take pictures and group chats on Facebook).

At Buda Castle grounds in Budapest, Hungary

Living with strangers is challenging and interesting at the same time. We don’t know each other’s behaviors and at first, it felt like walking on eggshells as we were still trying to figure out one another. But there are also people in the group that we immediately clicked with, like we knew each other forever.

Zurich Central Station in Switzerland.

We had trainings, demos and exams during weekdays but we got to travel around Europe during weekends. It’s not much time but we managed to make it work, albeit with tiny sacrifices.

There were times that we got on each other’s nerves, especially during our weekend escapades when we were only running on two to three hours of sleep on a bus (with just a square foot legroom) and a cup of coffee.

While waiting for our bus to Milan in Verona, Italy.

But the good times surpass all the not-so-good. Seeing lots of interesting and magnificent places is just a bonus. One thing that sure stuck with me is the experience of living in a foreign land with complete strangers and eventually building a bond that I am sure will stand the test of time. And when we’re old and gray, we can say to each other “We’ll always have Europe”, to refer to the whole two-month experience that would plant smiles to our faces that other people would never understand about us.

If I would be asked if I want to do everything all over again, I would say yes in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t change a thing even including our hunger-induced spats (and heartbreaks?), as those not-so-good stuff made this experience a lot better. 

Post Script

I can’t say that I haven’t seen these things coming. In fact, for the past couple of years I’ve been seeing it like a trailer of an upcoming season of a TV series that’s been long overdue. I’ve memorized all the scenes and dialogues. But why am I still caught off guard?

Maybe it’s human nature, or maybe it’s just me. That, I will never know.

I can perfectly recall I’ve asked you at least five times, and you’ve lied straight to my face (or through my phone?). I just don’t understand why’d you have to do it to me or with me. You said you cared, and I thought you were different. But sadly, I’ve been mistaken. I don’t know if I’ve been very trusting with you, or just plain gullible. That’s a thin line now that I can’t seem to distinguish.

I know I’m not the easiest person to be with, my friends and family can attest to that. But I’m not hard to be with either. You could’ve told me earlier, and I would’ve stayed away and saved myself from whatever this is I am dealing with right now. It is unfair that you kept me in the dark when I’ve begged for you to turn on the switch of this dingy tunnel that we’ve ended up in.

I am a fool but never stupid. But lately, I would rather be stupid than a fool. Because at least, I wouldn’t have to deal with myself and just blame it to plain stupidity. But no, I wasn’t stupid because I saw all the signs and I gladly rejected them with my rose-colored glasses and happily rode off my unicorn to the golden sunset.

Now I'm left behind picking up all the pieces of me that has been shattered, but don't you worry I've been in this position before and I am pretty sure I'll get out of this sooner than expected. Just one request though, let's not be friends. I know I said that we should just be, but obviously I was lying, because we were never friends and I don't think we'll ever be. 

And lastly, don’t think highly of yourself that I’m writing this blog entry because of you, this is more for me. Trust me on this. This is my way of finally saying goodbye to whatever we had. It’s been a great ride but reality kicks in and this roller coaster ride should be over, or else we'll be spinning in loops forever.

PS Thank you for finally letting me down in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, it helps. The city is so beautiful that I forget what I'm going through. Nice final move. I promise, no hard feelings, it wasn't all you nor me. It was a story co-written by the two of us. And just like how the year is coming to an end, I think that we should too.

Growing Up: On Grief and Moving On

How it feels like being 31? I feel totally the same yet totally different! In a way, I can say that I've done a lot of growing up since the last time I've written on this blog. So many things happened: new job, new friends, new experiences, got effed up in the chest, lost my grandfather and the list goes on. But considering everything, I still feel good about life.

When you've lost loved ones one too many by either death or they just chose to leave you behind, you get used to it. Not that I'm losing a loved one on a daily basis, but I think I cope up with loss easily now than before. I just think that they would be happier and free of pain wherever they may be, and that applies to persons who also chose to leave me behind. I won't sugarcoat it, it sucks being left behind, it really does. But that's just how this world works. It's either you leave or you get left behind. 

Losing loved ones, leave you with two choices, you can grieve for a moment and move on or just grieve for life. I am doing the first, for I know it's the best choice. It might be easy to just brood forever and blame the world for giving you people to love and have them taken away, and question your whole existence. But it is better to keep living and move on, it may be hard at first. It always is, but you'll get there eventually and you'll see that there are just so much to live for. 

As for the different kind of lost I've experienced, I just think that that person is happy wherever he is and I'll be happy too. No point of holding on to that person, when that person is squirming for you to let go. As for my current state of mind, I am truly grateful for all the things that happened, it taught me a lot of things. It showed me that I am capable of so many things if only I'll let myself. 

I would be lying if I'll say that that person doesn't cross my mind, but not as often as it used to. It only happens when I see something that will remind me of him and I catch myself smiling and that's just it. I am too stubborn to even admit to myself that I'm missing anyone, I have this Miss Independent persona engraved in my head. And when I feel that you don't miss me, never will I ever allow myself to miss you too. Newton's third law is my mantra, in every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. So please, if you want to get to know me keep that also in mind. 

To wrap this already long post, being in your 30s is hard if you like to think that way. But it can also be better, it's your choice.

30 Things I Learned Before I Turn 31

 I am turning 31 in a few days, and here are the things that I've learned 360 days after I turned 30:

1. Coffee is much preferred over alcohol. I can handle undersleeping, but hangover is a big NO!
2. I don't have to chase people. If they want me in their lives, they'll make time for me. 
3. Reading was and still my favorite past time. Hello Carlos Ruiz Safon!
4. I still fuss about my favorite shows. I'm still crazy about you my dear Harvey Specter.
5. I love meeting new people but there are also times that I'd rather stay at home.
6. I still can't talk about my feelings openly. And here I thought I'll change after 30, but I didn't.
7. It's ok to feel helpless sometimes. I am not a superhero, I need help, we all do.
8. If you love them, let them go. This is what my mom did, she allowed me to be on my own.
9. I no longer need anyone's approval but my own. "It's my life, it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever."
10. Music is my best comforter. When I'm sad, I listen to sad songs and let it all out in one go and after that I feel a lot better.
11. Wash off your mascara before peeling and chopping onions. The struggle is real!
12. Never ever let anyone feel that they are a second-class citizen, a spare tire or whatever you call it. It's just unacceptable, the worst feeling in the world. You can either be all in for that person or just leave completely.
13. Be spontaneous, being over 30 doesn't mean that you no longer can.
14. Eat your vegetables. You need your daily dose of fiber.
15. Call your parents. You may be old enough to start a family of your own but you'll always be the baby in their eyes.
16. Travel often. If there's a will, there's a way.
17. Take a lot of pictures, but not necessarily post it all on social media.
18. Social media is there to help you connect with family and friends, not your own crappy reality channel.
19. Exercise. You are no longer in your twenties, you need to burn those calories down.
20. Learn new things. Life is a continuous improvement process.
21. Forgive people. It does a lot of good for you  than for them.
22. Listen to 90's music every once in a while. It's ok to reminisce your younger years.
23. Stop waiting for that guy/girl. He/she may not be into you, and you're just wasting your life pining for that person.
24. Go on dates. You are wonderful as you are.
25. Always acknowledge even the littlest blessings in each day.
26. It's better to be single than in a toxic relationship.
27. Eat all the food that you like,  but in moderation.
28. Smile often, it'll make you feel better.
29. Talk to yourself.
30. You've survived 30 years, you have more experience now. Nothing will come your way that you won't be able to handle.

The Best Ship is Friendship

Ever since I graduated from college, the most fun I had was when I was on my second job working for over two years. I got to meet crazy yet amazing and talented people. Each one of us have quirks and flaws but it didn’t prevent us from forging a bond that I am sure will last a lifetime.

Like all relationships we had more than our shares of ups and downs. Suffice to say that we’ve gone through a lot in the couple of years that we had: lost a family member, a lover, a friend, a job, a dream but we stuck through it all. 

There are days that some of us get lost in the path, but like the truest friends we allow each of us to fall off the path for some time and catch up with them when we think it’s necessary with a welcoming smile and a hand to hold on to. We had the dynamics that will make Lean Six Sigma ashamed of its existence.

We were a force to behold, when we put our heads together anything is possible. We’ve done everything together from social events, projects, team buildings, charity works, marathons, out of town trips, festivals, staycations in a hotel, fancy dinners, nights out, chilling at home and even got ourselves almost kicked out of a coffee shop (which we all remember and a topic for a different day).

With them it’s not important if we’re doing something significant or not, as long as we’re together in one place two things are for sure: there’ll always be food and no one goes home without laughing his/her heart out.

We know each other like the back of our hands: we know what a smile, a smirk, a frown, a fake cough, a tone of voice, a “seen” on group chats means. We’ve made each other our extended selves. And I can’t imagine life without you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I haven’t met any of you in the process.

Now that we are on a life crossroad, I am praying that we make it out to our destinations still holding on to each other despite the journey and then we can celebrate each other’s successes.  And never forget the times that we had together. The laughter, the tears that played important parts to who and what we’ve become. 

No matter where we’ll be in a month or so, whether miles apart or a desk apart never forget that we’ll always have each other. And we’ll always be each other’s cheerleader come hell or high water. 

And I am looking forward to the day that we’ll meet and have coffee outside of the country and we’d be kicked out of the shop as we'd still be dying of laughter like we always used to do. 

You might be wondering why am I suddenly emotional? It’s the 4th of March, the day that I got to meet most of the crazy, amazing and talented people three years ago.

Risking it All

I'm not OK. What a way to open an entry in a blog that I haven't updated for months. But that is the truth and I don't plan on sugarcoating it in any way. So let me start again...

I'm not OK, but surprisingly I am OK not being OK. It's a welcome change for someone who tries to be for most of her adult life.If you know me personally you have known by now that I don't stop and cry. I move on from everything (except for some people in my life that I can't seem to move on from but that's a different story). If I fail at something, I waste no time preparing to turn that said failure into a success. You can say that I'm a go-getter, I take risks all the time, albeit calculated. 

This time, I got out of the outskirts of my comfort zone and jumped head first to a future as dark as a moonless night. But if I make it out in one piece, I'll have better lit days for as long as I live. It's not an easy decision to make, starting from scratch when you are almost at the peak of the career that you chose to have for ten years. I am taking this leap as I don't want to wonder what if's in the future. I want to know and experience the answers firsthand. 

All I can say is that my hunger for my passion is stronger than my hunger for wealth and success. That I am willing to risk living a lifestyle that I am so not used to. But of course, I also want to be successful doing the things that I am very passionate about: fashion and writing.

I am being very vague in this post about what I'm trying to do with my life, but all I'm saying is it's OK not to be OK as Jessie J beautifully puts it in her song. And hopefully, I'll be able to get the answers myself soon enough.

The Waiting Game

I hate waiting, I never had the patience. That's why I come to my appointments early or on time, because I don't want to keep anyone waiting. I know the agony. It's like you don't value the time of the person that's waiting for you. I don't mind waiting every once in a while, but I really hate keeping anyone waiting for me.

I am an Aries, I don't know if it has anything to do with it, but Arians are known to be restless. If I can help it, I won't sit and wait for two hours at the airports. I don't like waiting long hours for connecting flights, and I don't like long flights. But these can't be avoided, so I always have a book with me so I can have a productive distraction or watch a whole season of TV series while in transit.

Waiting for a phone call, an email or a sign can probably be the worst kind of it all. It is something beyond our control no matter how hard we try to summon the universe to let things be. I am in a waiting game for four days now, I've probably done everything to not think about it. If I could have  self-induced amnesia for a few days, I might have done it already. And just tell the doctor to revert it back after I got the sign that I've been praying for.

This sign that I'm talking about is so humongous that it can change the course of my professional life. That's why this is very important for me. I know, HE knows that patience is not my best suit, maybe it's his way of telling me to cultivate it in me. I have no other choice but to wait and see what's in store for me in the coming days. But for now, I have to focus on the present, and be grateful for everything that I have.

Why I Can't Fall for You

Falling in love is a good feeling, until it's not. Yes, I know it's not the best opening sentence to a blog entry but it is the truth. Love or the feeling of being in love is not all it's cracked up to be. Just like every other emotion, there are pros and cons to it. I don't want to eat my words in the future, but basing on experience I can pretty much say that it is not for me. Love is just too much for me to handle or maybe, love can't handle me? I am not sure though.

I am an INTJ, and no, we are not heartless contrary to popular beliefs. We may be distant, but never cold (although we always seem to be). It's just that we value logic over our emotions. It's not that we are emotionless, it's just that we are logical beings, we've been hurt before and we want to avoid ourselves from getting hurt all over again.

I came up with the reasons why I can't allow myself to fall for a particular person in mind. It doesn't help me much, but I'm hoping I can convince myself to stop feeling anything anymore.

• I am a logical person, but when I allow myself to fall, all logic goes out into the window. It's like I'm not myself anymore. Or is it possible that being illogical is the real me and I'm just suppressing it with my logical facade? 
• I don't obsess, but I do think immensely. And you... I can't seem to get you off my head. You became an obsession. And it's not healthy (it's never healthy, who am I kidding?).
• You seem to get me, I know it's a good thing. But I am beyond scared that you know me so well to the point that you already have an idea of what are the things that could ruin my entire being.
• I crave attention, I never do that. But with you, there is never enough. I want to be with you all the freaking time! It's like I am turning into someone that I hate, I hate emotions, I hate attachments. But you.. you make me want all those stuff. 
• I like the feeling of being cared for by anyone besides family and myself. I'm like a living contradiction. I don't want to be taken care of by anyone but you. 
• I never plan for the future, unless it's a career path or anything that will help me improve myself. But now, I can see changes creeping in. Before I go to bed, my traitorous mind injects some scenes of you and me together. All smiley, and it creeps the hell out of me.
• You make me smile.You make me feel like a He is We song, "A little pathetic, with a dash of ooey gooey so romantic.". You make me feel like a girl: nice and sweet. So sweet that I can kill you with diabetes.
• You possibly are dating someone else, I've no idea because I'm "too cool and chill" to ask you. I know I am way too old for those adjectives, but I am just scared to ask.
• You are a Katy Perry song, one minute you're hot, and you're cold the next. You make me feel like the only person in the world, in the most special way and the only person in the world, in the loneliest way. 
• I never knew how to play this game, and I don't want to. 

Kristina, please stay logical before it's too late. 

I Thought You were Low Maintenance

What exactly does that mean? I've never thought of myself as a high maintenance woman, and neither a low maintenance one. For one, I don't want putting labels on a person, especially myself. I'm happy just being me. Then one night I was told this: "I thought you were low maintenance.". I didn't know how to react, I was torn between being complimented and insulted. Complimented because being a high maintenance woman means you are an alpha female and on top of your game, insulted because it could also mean that you are a bitch and you deserve a special place in hell. I'm exaggerating, but that's how I really felt that time.

There was a part of me during that dinner wanted to be rational, and so I asked him why he thought of me as a "not low maintenance". And his answers made me cringe during dinner, and made me guffaw when I got back in the comforts of my own bed that very night. 

"You look so put together."

Seriously? Mind you, I was only wearing a tee, tattered jeans and a jacket. But he said it wasn't those, but the accessories I chose that night. I wore a statement necklace (which I practically bought in a flee market but he didn't have to know that), the watch and the bag. I've no excuse for the bag and watch, I like to splurge a little every once in a while. 

"I want to be able to provide for my partner and you seem to be able to do that on your own."

Is this man guy for real? (I'm giving points to him for having an eye for details though.) I wasn't raised by my family to beg for the things that I want. I was raised to work hard for those things. And besides, we're not getting married, it's just a dinner, so chill the hell out.

"I want a woman who I can protect and take care of."

Whoa! It's not that I'm a princess and I need saving, I can take care of myself. Thank you very much. But it bugged me a lot. Am I not worth protecting or caring for? 

If he only knew, that all this is just a facade. I'm as messed up as the girl wearing sweats and her hair in a messy bun. I could be that girl if I wanted to, but I don't. Because for me, if I look good on the outside, I also feel good on the inside. 

And I don't have to feel guilty if I wanted to spoil myself a little. The right person won't mind and won't feel less of himself. I grew up with a strong line of empowered women in my family, none of the women in my family who doesn't have a career of her own. I'm not saying that women who chose to give up their careers for their family is not as strong, they're as strong and as brave having chosen that kind of commitment to their family. My point is, it's the 21st century and women can be whomever they want to be without being called a high or low maintenance.

It's safe to say that that dinner didn't merit a second one. I would rather have dinner by myself for the rest of my life than fussing on whether I look high maintenance or not. And to rub more salt to the wound, when he asked for the bill, I told him that we pay Dutch.

Weirdest Dream

I dreamt of being on the Ellen show last night, and I don't know why. I meant I don't know the reason why I was in the show. The only thing I know is that I had so much fun and Ellen as usual was hilarious. So when I woke up, I thought maybe I can blog about that dream. (What I'm going to write here is just as much as I can remember from the dream.)

VO: Our next guest is Kriann Atilano, she's a Software Design Engineer from the Philippines. 

Ellen: Hello Kriann, welcome to the show!

Kriann: Hi Ellen, thank you very much.

Ellen: You know it's the first time that we guested someone who isn't famous or infamous. 

Kriann: I know, right? What's wrong with your production team? Running out of famous people off the internet or Taylor Swift's not available?

Ellen: Huh! I really have no idea.

Kriann: Here's an idea, why don't you hire me instead? And let me help you get those famous people.

Ellen: That's a good one! But since you're here, we might as well make the most of it.

Kriann: Yeah, I guess so. So what do you want to know?

Ellen: Why a Software Design Engineer? You can be anything you like, you know?

Kriann: That makes the two of us! I ask myself a lot of that too! You're right, I can be anything I want.

Ellen: Yes, we have the power to be anything we want to be, unless you really want to be a Software blah blah.

Kriann: Thinking about it, I can be Cameron Freaking Diaz... If I were tall, and gorgeous...  and knows how to act... Or Taylor Swift! Huh! Still need to be tall though, and I have to actually know how to sing. 

Ellen: Yeah, those are kind of important, the acting part if you want to be an actress and the singing, if you want to be a singer. Although there are... Nah! Forget that.

Kriann: I know exactly what you mean. Hahaha!

Ellen: So do you know how to milk a cow?

Kriann: That's a very weird question Ellen, but yes, I know how to milk a cow.

Ellen: I thought it weird too, but I got to ask.

Then there was a lot of questions that I totally forgot and a bunch of laughing here and there. And then I heard my alarm go off.

Weird, I know. Even my subconscious is as weird as my reality. And it made me realize, even in my dream I'm still a go-getter. See how I ask Ellen on-air for a job? Way to go self!

PS It's ok to stop reading this blog from now on. If I were you, I would. This blogger right here is just so [insert adjective here]. Hope I didn't ruin your day with my nonsense babble. Ciao.

Time to Disconnect

I'm one of those few who got to have Facebook before it became mainstream. It was a definite level-up from MySpace or Friendster at that time. So I signed up before the whole world did, it was around late 2006 or early 2007. There's no way for me to find that out now as I just deactivated it, thus, this unscheduled blog entry.

I had this love-hate relationship with Facebook ever since I could remember. I love how I can communicate with a person in just a few clicks or swipes. Or know about a person's life by endlessly stalking that person's said profile till I reached the year that that person was born. And I am guilty of those stalking their exes on Facebook, so deep, that I've already opened ex's girlfriend's cousin's dog's profile. How did I get there? It's FB's power, allowing you to mindlessly wander on the cyberspace. 

Facebook makes everything so easy, with just a few clicks and swipes you've already spent three hours looking at people's photos and reading their thoughts, regardless if it's shallow or deep. I hated that Facebook brings out the stalker in me, and I hated that I spent a lot of time delving into other peoples' lives. 

Also Facebook is superficial, we may not admit it, but it is definitely true. We project the life we want others to perceive about us. We post only the good stuff, to make it appear that we live a good life. Did we ever post something on our timeline that doesn't make us look good? Maybe we did, but we stopped because people will be judging us based on our social media activities and we don't want people to take pity on us. 

I am merely scratching the surface here as how Facebook has affected our social behavior. But for now, I will have to say goodbye to Facebook. I need to get back to the pre-FB era of my life and see what happens. 

Let's see if the rainforest theory of IT Crowd will hold true, if anything will change with my life without Facebook.

Roy: You can't upset the harmony of the place.
Jen: Harmony? What harmony?
Roy: I know that the place looks like a bit of a mess but its actually a very delicate ecosystem.
Moss: Ecosystem
[makes circular motion with hands]
Roy: Everything is connected.
Moss: Connected
[mimes being connected]
Roy: It's like the rainforest.
Moss: Much like the rainforest
[mimes rain falling]
Roy: You change one thing...
Moss: [holds up one finger]
Roy: ...even the tiniest bit, and the whole rainforest dies.
Moss: [mimes hanging himself]

Thinking about it now, the scene from IT Crowd doesn't quite makes sense to this post. But hey, I love them (The IT Crowd). 

What Makes You Happy?

I am the kind of person that is very easy to please. I find happiness in the smallest of things, and even in the most mundane day. My grandma used to tell me that when all the kids my age are in the playgrounds running about and playing, I was contented and happy just watching them from the sidelines. I don't remember that though, I think I'm not the kind of person that will watch from the bleachers, I want to experience the action myself too.

It's the little things that matters, as cliche as it sounds, I find it true.

1. Not having to set my alarm for the next day. Sleep is so precious for me. If you've known me long enough you'll know that I can sleep like a bear on hibernation. Not exaggerating, or am I?
2. Fresh sheets! They're god sent.
3. The smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning. It could jump start my day.
4. Getting a smile from a random person on the street. Not the creepy or psychotic ones.
5. Ice cold water. Do I need to reiterate the importance of hydration? Hydrate! Hydrate! --for a moment there, I sounded like my late grandma.
6. Bacon! Mother of god! I can live on them, popping arteries be damned!
7. A simple "hi" from THAT person. Regardless if it's just a text, a phone call, Morse code or smoke signals, whatever floats your goat.. err boat! It can turn your day upside down, inside out. I sound like a lovesick teenager. Hahaha!
8. Getting my name right at Starbucks, it's a rare occurrence and I live for those days. I spell my name out and I still get Kirann or Kiriann. Oh well...
9. Hearing your favorite songs on the radio or anywhere else, even if you have those songs on your ipod or phone. When this happens, I automatically picture myself in a music video. 
10. Receiving updates from friends and family members that are far from you. Makes you feel important and in the loop.
11. Getting your eyeliner right on the first try, and not ending up looking like a panda or a raccoon. Oh the feels!
12. Cuddling with my langging (which means "little love" in Visayan) in bed. Just so you know, langging is my little pillow from childhood. And yes, I take it with me wherever I go. Haters gonna hate. Hahaha!
13. That feeling after you did a few Ks of running. I can feel my calories trickle down my skin. Oh yeah, they're called sweat. 
14. A fully charged laptop and phones. Need I say more?
15. Rain! I am the type of person who enjoys the rain so much.
16. An organized closet, I can easily locate the things I want to wear. 
17. Staying up late and waking up late. I am always four hours behind my timezone, wherever I may be. 
18. The number 18. Whenever I see it, I feel like something's good is going to happen to me. It is my birthday, and my favorite number. And for me it means "I am infinite." , 1 = I and 8 = ∞ (infinity sign).

So whoever you are who's reading this, get out there and make your little happiness list. 

My Bugged Life

I have a 10-year old blog somewhere in this blogosphere, I used it initially as an online journal to keep family and friends updated with my life. And I only had five readers that grew into ten as the blog reached a decade old. Blog traffic wasn't and isn't a big deal for me, all I wanted was a place where I can express myself.

I created this new blog to channel my geekness and my peculiarity in my race (the IT professionals). Living my life is like being born a mixed race. I don't totally fit in to either worlds: the IT industry and the fashion industry. 

I grew up with the women in my family (from my grandma to my aunts and mother) as my fashion icons. They dressed me up every day like I'm having tea with some royalties. Then I discovered reading and my love for technology and innovation. But the reading and the MacGyver in me didn't stop me from my love for fashion. Instead, I delved into every book and magazines that we had at our home and there I found my niche in life.

A Bugged Life is a play on the word bug, which means an error or a flaw in a computer program or system. Just like my life, I am bugged. As the world have this stereotype of IT people like me, and we are only allowed to do certain stuff (geeky stuff). But I am not one for convention, I do a lot of things that isn't expected of a geek like me. 

I am into music, I play the piano and the guitar. I appreciate visual arts, I sketch and paint. I love traveling, which is why I'm in Spain instead of the Philippines. And I am into fashion that doesn't only consists of a tee and sneakers. 

Welcome to my bugged life!