Boardwalk Diaries

I'm in New York, I got here over the weekend and I will be here for the next couple of months. This is a personal trip but it's not purely leisure. I still need to attend to all my responsibilities at work, and spend at least 8 hours online for work. But it's the little price to pay to be able to come to New York without using up all my vacation leave credits. 

I haven't gone around the city yet, I've only been to Queens ever since I got here. Landed at JFK, which is in Queens, and stayed at Rockaway Park which is still a part of Queens. But I planned on painting the city red this weekend with a childhood friend from my hometown who's flying in from Hawaii.

Anyways, I plan on taking her to all the overrated,touristy places that I've been to when I was here last year. We planned to play it Gossip Girl style (S&B for the win!), let's see how that will pan out. Good luck to us. Especially now that the weather is kind of bipolar. All sunny for the first half of the day, then raining the entire second half.

So, these past few days I took up a habit of running on the boardwalk after working. Not only the view is refreshing, but it's also healthy for me. Since I don't commute to work nowadays and I only work on my bed/couch.

The boardwalk is very long, I haven't gotten to both ends yet. But I promised myself, that I will before my New York stint is over.

For now I'm just contented on running 20 blocks and back, and sit at one of the benches when I get tired. And when I was sitting on one of those benches, there are just a few things that I got to ask myself.

Is what I am doing right now reflecting the life I want?

Yes, all things considered I think I am doing those things. I get the chance to travel and work at the same time. And I think I spend time with the persons that really matters most to me.

Am I trying to force something to work that will truly never satisfy me?

I think I was, I was so caught up in this idea of me and this person. And later did I realize that this was just all my idea, not his nor ours. So, needless to say that there was never a future for my daydream. All it was was a daydream, a fantasy that will only live in my head. But now, I can say that I am no longer forcing things to work out, if it's not meant to happen, then so be it. 

Am I being honest with myself about my reality?

Yes, I know that I am no way near the perfect life I curated in my head. But I also know that I am getting there, but I still need to work harder for it. And boy working hard is tough. They don't call it that for nothing.

Do I actually like where and who I am?

I love where I am! And honestly, I am loving the person I am becoming. I am no longer calculating my every move, and I just enjoy myself along the way. I must say, I am more carefree these days, but will never be careless (I hope).

I am exhausted on having to think about these thoughts. Got to start running again...