How it feels like being 31? I feel totally the same yet totally different! In a way, I can say that I've done a lot of growing up since the last time I've written on this blog. So many things happened: new job, new friends, new experiences, got effed up in the chest, lost my grandfather and the list goes on. But considering everything, I still feel good about life.
When you've lost loved ones one too many by either death or they just chose to leave you behind, you get used to it. Not that I'm losing a loved one on a daily basis, but I think I cope up with loss easily now than before. I just think that they would be happier and free of pain wherever they may be, and that applies to persons who also chose to leave me behind. I won't sugarcoat it, it sucks being left behind, it really does. But that's just how this world works. It's either you leave or you get left behind.
Losing loved ones, leave you with two choices, you can grieve for a moment and move on or just grieve for life. I am doing the first, for I know it's the best choice. It might be easy to just brood forever and blame the world for giving you people to love and have them taken away, and question your whole existence. But it is better to keep living and move on, it may be hard at first. It always is, but you'll get there eventually and you'll see that there are just so much to live for.
As for the different kind of lost I've experienced, I just think that that person is happy wherever he is and I'll be happy too. No point of holding on to that person, when that person is squirming for you to let go. As for my current state of mind, I am truly grateful for all the things that happened, it taught me a lot of things. It showed me that I am capable of so many things if only I'll let myself.
I would be lying if I'll say that that person doesn't cross my mind, but not as often as it used to. It only happens when I see something that will remind me of him and I catch myself smiling and that's just it. I am too stubborn to even admit to myself that I'm missing anyone, I have this Miss Independent persona engraved in my head. And when I feel that you don't miss me, never will I ever allow myself to miss you too. Newton's third law is my mantra, in every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. So please, if you want to get to know me keep that also in mind.
To wrap this already long post, being in your 30s is hard if you like to think that way. But it can also be better, it's your choice.
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