Post Script

I can’t say that I haven’t seen these things coming. In fact, for the past couple of years I’ve been seeing it like a trailer of an upcoming season of a TV series that’s been long overdue. I’ve memorized all the scenes and dialogues. But why am I still caught off guard?

Maybe it’s human nature, or maybe it’s just me. That, I will never know.

I can perfectly recall I’ve asked you at least five times, and you’ve lied straight to my face (or through my phone?). I just don’t understand why’d you have to do it to me or with me. You said you cared, and I thought you were different. But sadly, I’ve been mistaken. I don’t know if I’ve been very trusting with you, or just plain gullible. That’s a thin line now that I can’t seem to distinguish.

I know I’m not the easiest person to be with, my friends and family can attest to that. But I’m not hard to be with either. You could’ve told me earlier, and I would’ve stayed away and saved myself from whatever this is I am dealing with right now. It is unfair that you kept me in the dark when I’ve begged for you to turn on the switch of this dingy tunnel that we’ve ended up in.

I am a fool but never stupid. But lately, I would rather be stupid than a fool. Because at least, I wouldn’t have to deal with myself and just blame it to plain stupidity. But no, I wasn’t stupid because I saw all the signs and I gladly rejected them with my rose-colored glasses and happily rode off my unicorn to the golden sunset.

Now I'm left behind picking up all the pieces of me that has been shattered, but don't you worry I've been in this position before and I am pretty sure I'll get out of this sooner than expected. Just one request though, let's not be friends. I know I said that we should just be, but obviously I was lying, because we were never friends and I don't think we'll ever be. 

And lastly, don’t think highly of yourself that I’m writing this blog entry because of you, this is more for me. Trust me on this. This is my way of finally saying goodbye to whatever we had. It’s been a great ride but reality kicks in and this roller coaster ride should be over, or else we'll be spinning in loops forever.

PS Thank you for finally letting me down in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, it helps. The city is so beautiful that I forget what I'm going through. Nice final move. I promise, no hard feelings, it wasn't all you nor me. It was a story co-written by the two of us. And just like how the year is coming to an end, I think that we should too.

The Best Ship is Friendship

Ever since I graduated from college, the most fun I had was when I was on my second job working for over two years. I got to meet crazy yet amazing and talented people. Each one of us have quirks and flaws but it didn’t prevent us from forging a bond that I am sure will last a lifetime.

Like all relationships we had more than our shares of ups and downs. Suffice to say that we’ve gone through a lot in the couple of years that we had: lost a family member, a lover, a friend, a job, a dream but we stuck through it all. 

There are days that some of us get lost in the path, but like the truest friends we allow each of us to fall off the path for some time and catch up with them when we think it’s necessary with a welcoming smile and a hand to hold on to. We had the dynamics that will make Lean Six Sigma ashamed of its existence.

We were a force to behold, when we put our heads together anything is possible. We’ve done everything together from social events, projects, team buildings, charity works, marathons, out of town trips, festivals, staycations in a hotel, fancy dinners, nights out, chilling at home and even got ourselves almost kicked out of a coffee shop (which we all remember and a topic for a different day).

With them it’s not important if we’re doing something significant or not, as long as we’re together in one place two things are for sure: there’ll always be food and no one goes home without laughing his/her heart out.

We know each other like the back of our hands: we know what a smile, a smirk, a frown, a fake cough, a tone of voice, a “seen” on group chats means. We’ve made each other our extended selves. And I can’t imagine life without you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I haven’t met any of you in the process.

Now that we are on a life crossroad, I am praying that we make it out to our destinations still holding on to each other despite the journey and then we can celebrate each other’s successes.  And never forget the times that we had together. The laughter, the tears that played important parts to who and what we’ve become. 

No matter where we’ll be in a month or so, whether miles apart or a desk apart never forget that we’ll always have each other. And we’ll always be each other’s cheerleader come hell or high water. 

And I am looking forward to the day that we’ll meet and have coffee outside of the country and we’d be kicked out of the shop as we'd still be dying of laughter like we always used to do. 

You might be wondering why am I suddenly emotional? It’s the 4th of March, the day that I got to meet most of the crazy, amazing and talented people three years ago.

Why I Can't Fall for You

Falling in love is a good feeling, until it's not. Yes, I know it's not the best opening sentence to a blog entry but it is the truth. Love or the feeling of being in love is not all it's cracked up to be. Just like every other emotion, there are pros and cons to it. I don't want to eat my words in the future, but basing on experience I can pretty much say that it is not for me. Love is just too much for me to handle or maybe, love can't handle me? I am not sure though.

I am an INTJ, and no, we are not heartless contrary to popular beliefs. We may be distant, but never cold (although we always seem to be). It's just that we value logic over our emotions. It's not that we are emotionless, it's just that we are logical beings, we've been hurt before and we want to avoid ourselves from getting hurt all over again.

I came up with the reasons why I can't allow myself to fall for a particular person in mind. It doesn't help me much, but I'm hoping I can convince myself to stop feeling anything anymore.

• I am a logical person, but when I allow myself to fall, all logic goes out into the window. It's like I'm not myself anymore. Or is it possible that being illogical is the real me and I'm just suppressing it with my logical facade? 
• I don't obsess, but I do think immensely. And you... I can't seem to get you off my head. You became an obsession. And it's not healthy (it's never healthy, who am I kidding?).
• You seem to get me, I know it's a good thing. But I am beyond scared that you know me so well to the point that you already have an idea of what are the things that could ruin my entire being.
• I crave attention, I never do that. But with you, there is never enough. I want to be with you all the freaking time! It's like I am turning into someone that I hate, I hate emotions, I hate attachments. But you.. you make me want all those stuff. 
• I like the feeling of being cared for by anyone besides family and myself. I'm like a living contradiction. I don't want to be taken care of by anyone but you. 
• I never plan for the future, unless it's a career path or anything that will help me improve myself. But now, I can see changes creeping in. Before I go to bed, my traitorous mind injects some scenes of you and me together. All smiley, and it creeps the hell out of me.
• You make me smile.You make me feel like a He is We song, "A little pathetic, with a dash of ooey gooey so romantic.". You make me feel like a girl: nice and sweet. So sweet that I can kill you with diabetes.
• You possibly are dating someone else, I've no idea because I'm "too cool and chill" to ask you. I know I am way too old for those adjectives, but I am just scared to ask.
• You are a Katy Perry song, one minute you're hot, and you're cold the next. You make me feel like the only person in the world, in the most special way and the only person in the world, in the loneliest way. 
• I never knew how to play this game, and I don't want to. 

Kristina, please stay logical before it's too late.